Trouble with Trekkies
by Lita Inverse
Summary: Kirk, Bones, and Spock beam down to a planet. But through an accident get stuck in our world where the meet a Trekkie. A trekki who happens to be obsessed with Spock.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek ir any of it's characters. Though I would like to pretend that I own Spock. Good help on homework.

Captain Kirk sat on the edge of his seat. They had orders from starfleet to survey this planet. Of course that wasn't why Kirk was on edge. On the way to the planet they had run across another new spacial anomaly that they never experienced before and now the ship sensors weren't functioning.

"It looks like we're going to have to beam down…" Kirk said standing up, "Mr. Spock with me, Uhura have Dr. McCoy meet us in the transporter room. Scotty you have the bridge." Spock and Kirk exit to the turbolift.

In the transporter room…

"Do you have the coordinates?" Kirk asked the officer. Kirk, Bones, and Spock were on the transporter pad waiting to be beamed down.

"Yes sir."

"Energize." The officer started the beam down but the transporters had been affected by the anamoly also. Once the three were dematerialized the console exploded in the officers face making him fall back. He quickly got up and went back to check the console.

"Transporter room to bridge. There was an accident….I don't know where they are…."

The bridge crew all looked shocked

Modern day….

Gwendolen Jonsin, Dancer, Anime fanatic, computer geek..and Trekkie Queen was at home in her basement bedroom dancing to her J.LO CD, which was at full blast, wearing long black baggy pants and a red tee-shirt. She was also singing along badly…

"Cuz' we're living in a material world and I'm a Material girl! You know it! We're living in a material world…" Her walls were covered in Star Trek Posters, they all had Spock. She had some Star Trek posters with one character on them that one character being Spock. She likes Spock…just incase you haven't guessed by now. She had a computer on one wall connected to the net open to StarTrek.Com . 

"Spock….I don't think this is the planet…" Kirk said quietly but he was right next to Spock so he heard him. Gwendolen stopped. She could never hear her mother in the doorway when she was screaming, but Gwendolen heard the word Spock…It had been said quietly but it had been said.

"Spock?" She said quietly turning around, she brushed her brown hair behind her ears and looked at Spock, "SPOCK!"She glomped him smiling widely, "I KNEW IT!I KNEW IT!I KNEWI T! STAR TREK IS REAL! SPOCK'S REAL! AND ALL ME FRIENDS CALLED ME CRAZY!"She stopped rambling for a minute, let go of Spock and thought, "They'll never believe me though…" She looked at Spock, "Stay here." She demanded and ran out the door. A second later she ran back in and turned off the music. She skipped out of the room saying Spock's name over and over again.

"Do you know her Spock?" Bones asked when she was gone.

"I have never met her before…" Spock answered, "Curious…"

"I don't think we're where we meant to be…" Kirk said. Bones and Spock looked at him like 'no duh genious'. Just then Gwen came running into the room again holding a disposable camera.

"Now, Spock and Bones if you could just stand in front of my Spock poster I want to take your picture so I can show my firneds! Oh they're going to be SOO Jealous I got to meet Spock! AND Doctor McCoy!" Gwen said rapidly. Bones looked around the room.

"I don't know if I want to ask this but who are you and how do you know us?" Bones asked. Kirk was pouting cuz' she didn't ask for his picture.

"EVERYBODY knows who you guys are! You guys are the show Star Trek. And it's one of the greatest shows ever! And and and SPOCK IS COOL!!!" She grabbed her Spock plushie, and hugged it, "I need to introduce you Mr. Spock!" She said and carefully setting the plushie back on her bed and barreled out of the room again.

"Don't we already know Mr. Spock?" Kirk asked. Spock was doing his best to remain unemotional while he was starting to get really freaked out.

"How many people are there named Spock anyways?"Bones asked.

Gwen came running into the room again this time holding a beagle, "This is Mr. Spock! I named him after you…" (A/N: Yea…I did that. My beagle is named Mr. Spock.) Spock, the vulcan one, was speechless. Gwenheld up her beagle to Spock's face, "That's your name sake Pookie Baby!" She smiled widely. The cutest, most bestst, and sweetest little beagle that ever did live, licked Mr' Spock's face. Mr. Spock was trying to keep from making a face.

A/N: I know this is a little weird. I just got over a really long writer's block. I don't know if I'm going to continue this. It came on as a weird idea. Please Review! Also please be nice It's my first Star Trek Fanfic. And for those of you who are curios Gwendolan is me, that is my puppy. My room isn't actually a shrine to Spock….yet. I'm working on it. Also let me know what you want to happen if you have any ideas. I'm also willing to give Cameo appearances. So just let me know. If you're interested E-mail me at Makochan_18@yahoo.com and tell about your persona that you want cameod (is that a word?) and who your fave character is. 


	2. Trouble in the form of Lillian gray and ...

AN: I can't believe it I came up with a second chapter! Woohoo! Go me! I'm so cool!!

CM: Oh shush! You aren't that great.

Lita: *pouting* Fine. No cameo for you! ANYWAYS! I'd like to thank Abri, Vicky, and Hobgoblin for reviewing! Even though I forced Abri too…..

~\~*~/~

Gwendolan giggled at Spock face. "Mr. Spock likes you!" She said to him, "Do you like Mr. Spock?"

"It is….an affectionate creature…." Spock replied, in what should be stoic. Kirk was still pouting. Gwen smiled and put the cutest, most bestst, and sweetest little beagle that ever did live on the ground and he ran out of the room.

"Awww! Isn't that cute! He's gonna go tell all his friends he met his namesake!" Gwen giggled again. She had a lot of coffee shortly before they arrived.

"That creature has the ability to speak?" Spock asked raising an eyebrow. McCoy and Kirk smirked shaking their heads.

Gwen giggled **_again_**, "No you silly! Beagles can't talk!" Spock refrained from asking anymore questions fearing the answer. Kirk spoke up.

"Where are we?" He asked.

"In my bedroom, duh!" She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, she turned to Bones, "And he's the captain of your ship. It's a good thing you have Spock otherwise the ship would have been destroyed a LOOONG time ago!" She grinned and then got a dreamy look in her eyes, "Isn't he so cool!?" Spock was trying not to be frightened. Kirk looked annoyed.

"I **_meant_** what planet and time period. And I would also like to know who you are and how you know about us." Kirk said annoyed.

Gwen rolled her eyes, looking impatient, "Your on earth in the year 2002. I'm Gwendolan Jonsin. I know of you from a TV Show. " She huffed and crossed her arms turning around, "You didn't have to be so mean! If you had just asked nicely I would have told you!" She sniffled being dramatic, "And people wonder why I don't like Kirk."

"Maybe you were a little hard on her, Jim." Bones said quietly to his friend.

"She was avoiding the question." Kirk said being stubborn.

"Actually captain, she did answer the questions you asked. If you wanted a more specific answer you should have asked a more specific question." Spock said logicly. Gwen smiled and turned around latching onto Spock's arm. The poor Vulcan looked rather confused.

"See! Spock and Bones love me!" She said, then she stopped for a second then, "Wait a minute…Bones…love…. Lillian! I have to call Lillian!" She let go of Spock who started to massage his arm to get circulation back. Gwen ran over to her phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Lillian! You'll never guess who's here!……………No…..Not him either…….Bones and Spock! They're here! Right in my bedroom!!! You should come over! ………..oh yea……that Kirk person is here too…….Yea! Why don't you come over!………………. OK! See you in 5!" She hung up the phone. 

5 minutes later there's a tapping at the window. Gwen let go of Spock's arm who, once again, set to the task of regaining feeling in his arm. There wasn't much point to trying to get her off his arm cuz' when he moved let alone spoke her grip tightened.

"Lillian! SUP!?" she said acting weird again.

"SUP Gwen!?" Lillian answered.

"Star Trek guys!" Gwen answered.

"COOL!" Lillian almost yelled and immediately latched onto McCoy's arm and started talking about her favorite things about him. Spock gave him the Vulcan equivelant of a sympathetic look, before his arm got latched onto again.

~/~*~\~

AN: OK That's chapter 2! Lillian would be our first cameo! Yay! There will be more of Lillian in the next chapter Hobgoblin, I promise. I won't forget about you. And in the next chapter we introduce our green blooded friend to ice cream! I would have gotten to it today but I felt like posting and it's a busy night. Once again review!

CM: Who would want to review YOUR stuff?

Lita: At least I have stuff posted!

CM:….

Lita: I thought so….Don't mind her just a jealous friend of mine…

CM: Jealous of WHAT?

Lita: *rolls eyes*


	3. Bunny, Anna, Ice Cream and Burritos

AN: Well, here's chapter 3 I hope it's as good as the other two. I feel so loved. People want to be in my story. 

keridwen – Spock is cool! I'm glad I'm in good company though….more fun that way!

Tavia – I don't know what happened to your common sense and general sane-ness….*Lita tries to keep from smiling mischeviously*

Captain of Truth – Welcome to the story!

Caprice/Hobgoblin/whoever you are – Yea…..you have been studying too much…..

Anyways on with the story.

~/~*~\~

Kirk stood trying not to look offended as Spock and Bones got all the attention of course he didn't seem to notice they were more frightened then enjoying it. 

Suddenly Bunny jumps in through the window to the basement, and is wearing a pair of black pants, a "The Simple Minds" T-shirt (The Simple Minds was a popular 80s band), a pair of black bunny ears, a pair of black bat wings, and red shoes. She has dirt Blonde hair.  


"Bunny!" Gwen said.

Bunny mock pouted, "I see your having a party without me…"

"LOOK! LOOK! It's SPOCK!" Gwen grinned, "Well, I would have called you but Chekov isn't here….but Kirk's here! See see!"

Bunny rolled her eyes, "You and your Spock….KIRK!?" Bunny turned to where gwen was pointed and immediately tackled Kirk, "You're really real! Just as I dreamed and Imagined!!! I AM THE BATGIRL!!!!" Kirk looked confused.

"Uh….hi…"

Gwen's face lit up, "You know what we need?"

Lillian nodded, "We need…"

The three girls, "ICE CREAM!" Each grabbed their respective Trek guys and dashed up the stairs. They all stopped in the kitchen and Gwen got out seven bowls and spoons and four different Ice creams.

"Hey Gwen, why seven bowls? There are only six of us.." Lillian asked, still attached to Bones.

"I've said Spock's name quite a few times. And if I know Anna she should be here any minute." Then the doorbell rang, "Told ya!" Gwen bounced over to the door, "ANNA!" 

"Where's Spock!?" Anna said coming in, she was 5'0 with short brown hair frosted with blonde, and blue eyes with glasses. "SPOCK!"

"MINE!" Gwen countered and the each girl grabbed one of Spock's arm and glared daggers at each other, before laughing at themselves, but niether would let go of Spock's arm in case the other tried to take Spock for themselves. Bunny and Lillian rolled their eyes, and decided they would serve the ice cream.

"Don't mind them. They're always like that when it comes to Spock." Bunny said. She scooped herself some peppermint ice cream. 

"Yea, well you're the same way with Chekov and anyone who likes him too." Lillian said scooping her passionfruit ice cream.

"I wouldn't be talkin Lillian! I'm sure you'd do the same thing if it came too Bones!" Anna said. 

Our three Trek guys looked really scared, Spock was trying to keep his composure. 

After everyone had gotten there ice cream and Spock was forced to have some…..

"It's cold." Spock said, "It hurts your teeth. Why do you eat this stuff?"

"Cause it tastes good." The four girls said in unison.

"That's irrelevant." Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Vulcans can be so stubborn!" Gwen said. Anna nodded in agreement

"But they're so cool anyways!" They said together.

"Cool?" Spock asked.

"It means Spiffy." Bunny answered. Spock opened his mouth to ask what spiffy was but Kirk held up a hand.

"Don't bother." Spock nodded.

"Maybe you'll like this better!" Gwen said getting up and going to the freezer and getting out a frozen burrito then putting it in the micrwave to heat. She went to the cabinet. Anna had caught onto her idea and started for the cabinet.

"I'll do it!" She said.

"NO! I'm gonna serve Spock!" Gwen said dashing over to the cabinet.

"NO ME!"

"You can't serve him!He doesn't love you! He loves me!" Gwen said trying to push Anna away from the cabinet.

"Spock loves ME!" She said pushing back at Gwen.

"Vulcans don't…." Lillian started.

"SHUSH!" Anna and Gwen said to her before going back to their little squable. Lillian blinked for a moment before getting up and going around the two Spockaholics and getting the hot sauce and then going back to the microwave and pulling out the burrito and putting some sauce on it before handing it to Spock.

"I think that's what Gwen had in mind. What do you think?" Lillian asked, before going back over to Bones and pouting, "They yelled at me!" She said to him, "Did you see how they yelled at me? They yelled at me. They did. I heard them. What are you going to do about it?" Bones looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"MINE!"

"HE'S MINE!"

"NO HE'S MINE!" The two argued in the background oblivious.

Spock took a bite off the burrito then nodded approvingly, "This is better. It's good for your sinus'." He stated.

Gwen and Anna heard Spock speak and abandoned their argument and went to Spock's side.

"I knew you's like that!" Gwen said.

"You just copied my idea from the other day." Anna stated.

"Did not."

"Did too!"

~/~*~\~

AN: That's another chapter. Next chapter we'll find out exactly how the Trek guys got into our universe. I'm still taking cameos. And I still want to know what you want to see happen. I'm gonna be turning this into a crossover with characters from all the Treks. So I'll be introducing characters from all the series by request and by my faves. I hope I don't get too many characters I lose track. Oh well. No pain No Game right?

REVIEW PLEASE!


	4. More Trek guys and a dog

AN: Look at this Cahpter 4. I know I said stuff would probably get figured out in this chapter but I lied. More randomness. We have some actual quotes from episodes in this one. I got lazy in this chapter. I have a lot of scenes written by Bunny, Anna and Lillian in here. 

Thanks to everybody who reviewed/reviews

~/~*~\~

After the ice cream The group found themselves downstairs in the basement again. Anna and Gwen had attached themselves to Spock again. Lillian was talking to Bones. 

Bunny jumped from where she was sitting and pulled something from her pocket, and headed to Gwen's stereo system.

"What's that, Bat-Bunny?" Gwen asked.

"Some gwarisly awesome tunes from the generation in which my mother reigned a frizzy haired teenager, and my dad was actually skinny, the 1980s. the greatest time for music!" she explained. Everyone looked at her odd, yes, Bunny was very odd, and weird.

Bunny put the CD in the proper dricve and pressed a few buttons, and turned around-

lip-syncing the words to the famous Madonna song, Vogue. She picked up a boa off Gwen's coat rack thingy, and knew the whole dance routine. After a few seconds the rest of the girls joined in. Gwen grabbed her other Boa which was purple.

"It's makes no difference if your black or white, a boy or a girl" Bunny sorta sang, looking at Checkov. Then she signalled for the girls to take a man AND MAKE HIM DANCE!!! 

But before they could go get their trek guys, Scotty, Chekov, Archer, Trip and Porthos appeared in the middle of the room. Anna and Gwen were right by Spock. Lillian was by Bones.

"Vhoa! Vhere am I?" (I'm probably butchering his accent) Chekov said slightly disoriented.

"That's what I wanna know." Archer asked. Trip nodded in agreement. Gwen was torn between staying with Spock, running to Trip, or running to Porthos. Lillian however wasn't torn at all.

"Porthos!" Lillian squealed. The poor puppy looked confused as she scooped him up and hugged him tightly. He wiggled. Much to Bones' relief, Lillian promptly forgot about him, sitting on a chair with Porthos in her lap scratching his ears and telling him in baby-talk how utterly adorable he was. The dog, unlike any of the other people in the room being complimented, seemed to enjoy this, wagging his tail contentedly and falling asleep. Archer looked distruaght.

"Hey….That's my dog!" Archer said indignantly. Lillian didn't hear him and continued baby talking the dog.

Bunny tackled Checkov, who looked a bit horrified at her. She just smiled sweetly and said "Hi." Checkov looked confused and said "Uh Vello"

Spock leaned to Gwen a bit asking "She has a habit of tackling people, does she?" Gwen looked to him, and leaned back "Oh She's the Texas State Champion wrestler in the 131 pound weightclass. She does tend to ramble a bit at times."

"She's almost as obsessed about Chekov as you two are about Spock." Lillina said from her chair Next to the three.

"There are many aspects of human irrationality I do not yet comprehend. Obsession, for one. The persistent single-minded fixation on one idea." Spock said. 

"Even when it's centered around you?" McCoy asked.

Spock replying with a completely straight face and no hint of emotionalism whatsoever in his voice, "Especially when it is centered around me."

Anna and Gwen immediately latched back onto him and started gushing about Spock.

McCoy looking at the two girls gushing over Spock, "So, Spock, still think that women are more easily terrified than the male of the species?"

"I believe I have been forced to reasses my earlier assumptions on that subject, Doctor." Spock once again with a completely straight face, looking at the girls gushing over him. 

"And in plain, non-Vulcan English, you're scared out of your mind." McCoy stated.

" I believe I just said that, Doctor." Spock answered. (little reference to "Wolf in the Fold" episode, there)

"AWW!" Anna and Gwen cooed, before gushing

~/~*~\~

AN: Ok that was a little shorter then I wanted but I wanted to post today. Hopefully chapter five will be longer. As always REVIEW!


	5. Death threats, Tavia, and Q!

AN: Well, I'm personally amazed at how well I'm keeping up with this. It usually takes me a long time to update Chapters on my fics but this one is just so fun to write! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

~/~*~\~

Well, after explaining what was going on to Scotty, Chekov, Archer, and Trip our gang of misfits sat around Gwen's room. Anna and Gwen were still attached to Spock with McCoy occasionally teasing Spock. Bunny was attached to Chekov and Lillian was ignoring Archer who was trying to get his beagle back. Trip and Scotty were discussing engines, while standing by Gwen's computer. Kirk was pouting a bit, he wasn't used to not being surrounded by women while everyone else got attention. 

Anna, who had left off arguing with Gwen in the interest of more important things such as staring lovingly at Spock, cocked her head and regarded the adored Vulcan thoughtfully for a minute before saying, "Y'know, you have lovely ears. I've always liked your ears. They're exquisite ears." She turns to Gwen. "Don't you wish you had ears like that?" 

"Yup. And I'd have them, too, if I knew where to get them. In a New York minute."

"New York!" Anna squealed, clapping her hands. "That reminds me!" Momentarily abandoning Spock she lauched herself at Kirk, hugging him around the waist with such force that the captain was knocked back a few feet. 

"Koik!" Anna cried. She let go of Kirk and excitedly turned to Bones, who immediately started looking in what he hoped was a discreet manner for any discernible exits. "Sawbones!" Anna cried next. She turned her gaze to Spock. "Spocko!" She turned back to Kirk, gaziing at him with shining eyes. 

"Oh my gosh, you were totally a genius in that episode! And I loved your accent! And how you came up with Fizzbin! And your accent! And how you looked in the gangster clothes! And your accent!" She adopted a flawless Brooklynese. "Ya know what I'm sayin'? Man's a total genius over here!"

Kirk brightened, and favored her with the dazzling smile of someone who a) thinks he can charm someone else by that very act and b) just knows he has "male lead" stamped on his DNA.

"Well, thank you," Kirk said with another sly grin, thoroughly pleased that at last someone had noticed him. His joy was short lived as Anna once again turned back to Spock and skipped over to him, smiling, to turn her shining eyes to his face. 

"And you looked SOOOO good as a gangster!" she gushed unashamedly. "Maybe even better than Kirk, may he forgive me for saying that. Still love me?" She turned to Kirk and presented him with a dazzling smile of her own before returning to Spock. "I especially loved the hat, even though it covered up your lovely ears." 

"Well, what do you know, Spock," Bones said, smiling for the first time that day, "Someone's finally mistaken you for an angel. Didn't know you had it in you; I'd have mistaken you for the devil, you pointy-eared hobgoblin!" Bones immediately found out that that was the wrong thing to say when in Anna's presence. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and she slowly and deliberately turned to face him. 

Perfectly spacing every syllable, she calmly but with an undertone of threat asked, "What–did–you–say–again?" Everyone except Spock and Bones wisely decided that now would be a good time to duck. Bones, being a relatively smart man (you don't get to be the Chief Medical Officer if you can't tell a phaser from a warp drive, after all) realized that he had made a mistake and smiling in what he hoped was a winning way, immediately tried to backtrack.

"I said, uh, you were absolutely right in thinking that Spock was an angel." Both his smile and his voice died away, however, when Anna took a few steps towards him, a smile on her face that should have been reassuring but was hampered by the fact that if her eyes were phasers McCoy would be a crispy critter at this point. 

In that same calm but threatening voice, she said, "Spock's ears are a masterpiece. They are exquisite and unique and aesthetically pleasing, two of his best features, in fact, and if you ever say even a single negative word about them–not only a word, if you even hint at insulting them again–I will beat you to death with a Tricorder. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have a good day." She gave him a condescendingly cheery smile before once again turning all her attention to Spock. 

Bones looked rather frightened.

"GO ANNA!" Gwen said giving her a high five, "Spock's ears are COOL!" The other girls could be heard agreeing.

Kirk was still beaming from the attention he had received. Suddenly Tavia jumped into the room through the window that was still open.

"I'm here! The party can begin!" Tavia looked looked around, "Hm…I guess the party started without me…"

"LOOK! LOOK! It's SPOCK!" Gwen said enthusiastically.

"How do you do?" Tavia said. 

"How do I do what?" Spock asked.

"No, I mean, how do you feel." Tavia reiterated. 

"My answer to that is twofold. Firstly, I feel, as I am sure you do as well, with my hands. Secondly, I do not feel at all. I am a Vulcan and a scientist and emotions are alien to me." Spock replied.

"No, I mean how are you?" Tavia said, becoming slightly irritated.

"I am well, thank you. You might have logically asked that in the beginnng and so avoided the confusion." Spock said.

Tavia blinked, "Oookay then!" She turned around and full realization suck in, "Wait! If Star Trek is real then that means I have a grip on reality! WOOHOO!" 

"I had a grip on reality but my handle broke." Gwen said trying to look wise. Nobody fell for it. Spock was about to make a comment when mischevious laughter could be heard. Then who should appear but none other then….

"Q" The Trekkies in the room all exclaimed together.

"Who?" Various enterprise crewmembers asked.

~/~*~\~

AN: Well, it's a little longer then last time and hopefully more coherent. I was going to make it longer but I wanted to leave it at a cliffhanger….well…an almost cliffhanger.

REVIEW!


	6. Random Discussions andThe window washer!

****

AN: It's been SOOOOOOOOOO long!!!!!!!!! *drops to knees and begins to beg proffusely* I'm SOOOOOOOOOO sorry! Please forgive me! Life got in the way!!!!!!! 

*calms down and breathes* OMG! 33 reviews! I've never even dared to dream of having 33 reviews! I feel SOOOOOOOO loved! Ok, anyways, I love you all! *throws out Spock plushies to everyone* And special thanks to Anna and her brilliant jokes, and round-about inspiration! On with the story!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anna, who had been focused on the Vulcan goodness that is Spock, did not notice the others in the room until she heard Chekov's unmistakable Russian tones. 

"Pavel!" she squealed in a voice high enough to qualify as a faulty dog whistle (in fact Porthos whined piteously and covered his eyes with his paws, cowering in Lillian's lap as the word came out of her mouth.) "HEY!" Anna continued indignantly, seeing Bunny, "what do you think you're doing with him? If anyone's going to tackle Chekov it should be me! When I'm not too busy tackling Spock, of course," she added, smiling at the first officer. Turning back to Bunny: "I love him! You can't love him cause I love him! It's...it's..." She paused, trying to find a word that expressed what it was. Ah, she had it! "It's illogical!" She then lauched herself once again this time at Chekov, where she had a gloriously heated argument with Bunny as to who should tackle him.   


"Me!" Anna declared. "If anyone is tackling Pavel it's me!"   


"No way! I am BATGIRL! I demand the right of tackling him! You have Spock, Chekov's mine!"   


"No, mine!" She pried Bunny's fingers off and pushed her away, latching herself onto the unfortunate navigator. Hugging him in a death grip she beamed up at him. "Hi, Pavel!"   


Chekov gulped, looking very scared, a "dear G-D someone help me" look in his eyes as he couldn't help looking at the girl who had securely fastened herself to his person. "Um, yes, hello…I, uh…yes, spaseeba, thank you…I am…very flattered…"   
Spock bent his head toward Gwen: "Does she have a habit of tackling people?"   


"Oh no," Gwen said airily, as if Anna's behavior was the most natural thing in the world. "She's just being Anna."   


"Pretty much full time," Anna said, gazing at Chekov adoringly.   


"I think I liked her better when she was being herself with me," Kirk muttered. "Upstaged by a navigational officer…this ruins my reputation and does nothing for my pride…"   


"Aw, poor Jim," Anna said sympathetically. "You know I love you." Chekov and Kirk both brightened at this, Chekov because she might let go of him and Kirk because she might leave Chekov for him. Their hopes were dashed for the moment when Anna added, "And when I'm done giving Pavel the recognition and attention he rightly deserves, poor neglected and unappreciated navigational officer that he is, I'll be more than happy to tackle you. Again. But not now. OK, sweetie?"   


"Don't encourage him," Bones said, then smiled innocently as Kirk glared at him, causing McCoy to add quickly, "Then again, I'm a doctor, not a matchmaker, so what do I know?" 

Between gazing alternately at Spock and Chekov, Anna spared a thought to notice Q's arrival and deciding whether it warranted her immediate attention. She decided it didn't; she still hadn't forgotten the time Q had sent Picard and company lightyears into the future where they met the Borg. And he was all power, petulance, and playfulness, which, alliteration aside, was an impressive yet deadly combination. He reminded her of the Agents from the Matrix. One good deed was supposed to make up for all that? But she didn't want to think about philosophy or ethics or…any of it, actually. She wanted to think about Spock., And Chekov. And how she was going to get them and keep them away from everyone else. Besides, Q was a definite nutcase, and she didn't even like the idea that there might be someone crazier than she was. She did have a reputation to maintain. 

Turning her back on Q, she started another long arguement with Bunny over whom Chekov loved best (and the subject of their argument looked like he'd just walked into a starship full of Klingons with an empty phaser and no back-up power source). 

She started a rendition of Robert Burns' _March to Bannockburn_ in her best Scottish accent. "Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled, Scots, wham Bruce has aften led, welcome to your gory bed, or to Victory!"

Scotty looked at her with respect dancing in his eyes, and his face crinkled as he smiled, applauding loudly. Spock was quite impressed but merely inclined his head in acknowledgement. Bones and Kirk were lost for words, which was a first on Kirk's part.

"Where'd ye learn that, lassie?"

"British Literature. Want to hear the rest of it?"

"If I might interject at this juncture in time, Captain, it would be more logical to focus on the immediate problem, the anomaly, as well as the corollary, which is why so many members have congregated here so quickly."

"You're slipping, Spock," Bones said after a minute. "I almost understood that. I think. Jim, I'm a doctor, not Noah Webster. You speak Spock. What'd he say?"

"We should forget Anna's flawless poetry skills" – he paused to flash her an award-winning smile – "and try to figure out what the original glitch was and why we're all here."

"Oh."

"Before ve do that, Keptin," Chekov said, "can ve take time for a drink?"

"Aye," Scotty said, "I've got a sair amount o' credits wagered against ye."

"You're a GAMBLER?" Anna shrieked indignantly, waking Porthos up with a pitiful whine and reducing him to a cringing ball of fur. Lillian quickly scooped him up and started petting him. "I am offended! I must smite thee down with moral indignation!" She started towards him menacingly.

"Uh, whatever happened to, 'I disagree'?" Bones said quickly before any of Scotty's major organs got squished.

"That's over too quickly and has absolutely no aerobic benefit." She glared at the engineer. "How can you be a gambler?!"

"I'm jist a wee one," Scotty said. "Mah pride's at stake. Ne'er argue wi' a Scot about liquor."

"A drinking contest," Gwen howled. "They're having a drinking contest!"

"Aye! We've a bet wagered on which is better, Scotch or Vodka!"

Spock arched an elegant eyebrow. "That is not logical."

"Pride never is, sir!" Scotty said cheerfully. "An' wi' the Captain's permission, I'll drink his navigator under the table any stardate o' the year. Preferably this one, though, I could do with a bit o' fun after all th' hard work I've done on th' console. Scotch or nothing!"

Chekov glared at Scotty; his eyes were like phasers set to kill. "I'm from Russia! We inwented drinking! With proper drinks like Wodka, not some stupid watered down poor excuse like Scotch!"

"This resulting flow of illogic is most entertaining," Spock observed dryly.

Scotty and Chekov whirled on him: "You stay out of this!" They turned back to face each other, and Scotty said, "Fine! Get yer wodka and we'll see how proper it is!"

"You'll fall out of orbit like a faulty starship, Scotsman!"

"Hey!" Gwen shouted, suddenly aware of the serious consequences of this contest. "I do not want to see an inebriated Scotty or an inebriated Chekov together in a relatively small room––"

"Actually," Spock interrupted, "the dimensions of this room do not technically constitute…"

But Gwen cut him off: "A _relatively small room _together especially when _he's _an engineer and _he's _a navigator and there are _breakable objects_!"

"Wow!" Bunny said after a minute or two. "Beware the wrath of Gwendolyn."

"Which is just like the Wrath of Kahn," Talia added, "only more…wrathful."

At this Gwen jumped and began to do her best evil cackle.

People cringed. Spock blinked. Porthos whined a bit, and Lillian immediately stopped cringing and comforted him. (Whether he was whining because of the sound or that Lillian had stopped lavishing him with attention for half a minute we'll never know)

Q stared in disbelief, "Wait…hello? What about me? Aren't I supposed to be the most insane one here?"

Gwen stopped cackling, she stared at him before bursting out in non-evil laughing at him, "NoOoO! I'm the most insane one here, followed closely by Anna, and then next is Bunny. Compared to us your normal!"

"Bah!" Anna snorted in contempt of all things reality-based. "Saness is vastly overrated. And reality is only for people who lack imagination, and we've all got plenty of that. You must remember, Gwen, that normality is relative. In fact, there is no normal. And besides, I'm not insane! I'm…I'm sanity challenged, thank you oh so very much! And besides, I read somewhere that insanity is a natural reaction to an insane world and so anyone's who's not insane is not normal! Hah! I've run rings round you logically!"

"Your definition of logic is decidedly illogical," Spock said seriously.

"But even you've got to admit that there's a defenite streak of logic in my illogic because it wouldn't be illogical if there was no logic on which to base it, therefore making my illogic logical and my logic illogical but logically my illogic is by definition logical."

"OK, see, that was scary on a level I never knew existed," Tavia said. "That was insane even for me."

"You don't agree?" Anna asked.

"I will as soon as I figure out what in the galaxy you just said."

"I know this illogical logic. It was inwented in Russia," Chekov said.

"Like everything else in the galaxy," Bones muttered.

"But…but…don't you even want to know what I'm doing here?" Q asked in disbelief.

"You're here because you caused whatever it was that brought all the Star Trek hotties here and now your going to gloat?" Tavia asked.

"…"

Gwen sat back down and immediately latched back on to Spock's arm, muttering something about the letter Q and something about ownership of Spock. Spock blinked again.

"OH MY GOSH!!!!!" Everyone turned to the window, the source of the exclamation. There stood a window washing girl, who looked ready to well…wash some windows. " It's Spock!!!!!!!"

Anna and Gwen immediately stepped in front of the window, blocking the girl. Gwen wore her Death Glare 'O Doom™.

"And who do you think you are?" They asked lowly.

"I'm Alyssa, the window washer! And that's MY Spock!"

"HE'S MINE!" Gwen and Anna said in unison before turning and glaring at each other, "NO, HE'S MINE!" The said in unison again. And hence began another argument, this time including a new combatent, Alyssa…the window washer.

~*~*~*~*~

AN: And that another chapter wrapped up. PS. Alyssa, sorry, you said window washer and I couldn't resist. =p

Please Review!


End file.
